« Nearly a year... | Main | Mental Meanderings »
« Nearly a year... | Weight Loss Journal | Mental Meanderings »
April 3, 2006
Two steps forward, one step back
This weekend made me feel like a failure. I had to sit over half the day at the Grapevine Mills Mall promo that we did for faire, and I had to drop out of parade during rehearsal on Sunday because I was overheating and could barely walk. I could hardly get across site without having to stop, and I ended up sitting for most of the day on Sunday. That's something that I wanted to stop doing. There's a reason I've been trying to stay away from "Lady Frances' Bench", and that's because I don't want to end up parked in one spot. I don't have time this year. I have a busy faire schedule, but now it looks like I won't be able to keep all of those commitments because my body...my horrid, ugly body...is still too fat.
Up until this weekend I felt like I'd made so much progress, but then I failed over and over again and it has made me feel as though the progress I've made is a joke and that there's really no progress at all.
I spent most of yesterday afternoon wanting to cry (and actually did cry at one point when a friend asked if I was all right). I still feel as though I just want to burst into tears.
When am I going to be able to do the things that I want to do?
Never?
I don't know.
I'm so frustrated and disappointed and full of hate for myself right now that I don't know what to do.
I wish there really WERE an easy button.
Posted by Lys on April 3, 2006 11:50 AM
Comments
Post a comment
Thanks for signing in, . Now you can comment. (sign out)
(If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved by the site owner before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.)
